EXES BAGGAGE: A Movie Review

Exes Baggage is a Filipino movie starring Carlo Aquino as Nix and Angelica Panganiban as Pia. It centers on Nix’s and Pia’s romance and how their previous relationship/s play a part in it. Thus, the title.

I have never been in a relationship and have never really fallen in love with someone seriously yet so I cannot say I can fully relate with the film but it still resonates. Exes Baggage may have pointed out reasons why I’m still afraid to fall in love or enter a relationship at 26. Here are some reasons why.

  1. Being in a relationship is never easy.

Being in a relationship is never a clean cut whether you’ve only been in one or had multiple ones.  As The Script says, “when a heart breaks, no it don’t break even.” It is never “We’ve broken up but we’re good. No hard feelings.” Feelings are hard control. If it easy then there will be no heart breaks, no broken hearts, no “It’s complicated” status. You can never really control what you are feeling. We tend to be irrational at times and if two people broke up, it’s never even.

Relationship can be messy that’s why it’s never really a good choice to enter one in a drunken state (Trust me on this. I’ve seen two of my good friends got into a relationship when they’re both drunk just to end so badly two months after.) nor to enter one if you’re not fully over your last one. It’s never a good idea to have a rebound. It will not only hurt you but it will hurt the other person more especially if they really gave it their all in the relationship.

It is hard work. It’s not all sunshine and butterflies. There will be pain. There will be struggles.

2. Insecurity can end what might have been a lasting relationship.

Insecurity is a self-war that is hard to battle alone.  It destroys you from the inside coz you are battling with yourself. It applies to all aspects of life, not only in relationships. You’re always gonna compare yourself to the Ex, maybe to someone better than you, and it will decrease your confidence. It will make you doubt that the other person loves you fully. It will make your faith crumble and when faith is lost, the relationship’s gonna be hard to continue.

There will definitely be someone who’s prettier, someone who’s better, someone who has it all, someone whose like the ideal person of the person you love. Comparing yourself though is gonna be self-destructive so don’t ever try. It definitely is hard especially if you have low self-confidence to begin with but that’s why it’s extremely important to be open to your partner. Talk it out. Build each other up.

I’m still battling with mine even without a special someone so I guess I’m really not ready yet.

3.   Staying in a relationship is a choice.

*Spoiler alert*

There was a scene in the movie where Pia asked Nix who he loves more, Pia or Dwein (Nix’s ex) and Nix couldn’t answer. Pia started packing up her things from Nix’s place and left while Nix was just there. Not talking. Not answering. Ultimately, letting Pia leave. Thus, ending their relationship.

People might have entered a relationship for the wrong reasons but staying in a relationship is a choice. It always is. And it’s not only a choice for one, it’s always a joint choice. A relationship is called a relationship because there’s two people involved. This also brings us back to point #1. Relationship is never easy but it’s worth it if you’ll work together.

 

I’m no relationship expert and maybe I’m a coward for choosing not to be in love than to get hurt but I’m working in opening up.

 

If you haven’t watched the movie yet, you should watch it regardless of your relationship status. First, it’s Carlo and Angelica’s first movie together in a while. Second, it has lots of good songs that are not Moira. haha. I like Moira but it’s nice to hear songs by other bands/artists. Third, ang hot ni Carlo Aquino. hahaha. This turned to be a reflection more than a review. lol. But you should watch it, you won’t regret.

 

P.S. I’m back. Will now be updating my blog again. Regularly this time. 🙂

 

 

New Chapter

Every end has a new beginning.

It’s been a while since I have posted something. It’s been a crazy five months going on six this year. After I started my web development bootcamp, it seems i’m unable to do pretty much anything else aside from going to class, work, and sleep. haha.

The schedule is quite tight and my body is struggling but I am surviving.

Every end has a new beginning.

Finally, after much thinking and contemplating, I finally decided to pass my resignation next week. I don’t have much savings which is one of the major reasons why I’ve been so push and pull with this. But enough worries. I’ll worry about tomorrow when it comes. Right now, my decision is clear and unchanging. I will no longer be a slave and will no longer work just to pay the bills. I will take the risk, take the chance, and try to change something.

I don’t have solid plans after resigning. Main goal is to try to get a job abroad or to gain a remote job. I want to be the boss of my own time and do everything at my own pace. Corporate job is not really not for me, I guess. I’m gonna start looking for jobs this weekend and hopefully gain employment by end of the month. I’m putting my faith in Christ.

I will soon start a new chapter in my life towards the goals that I have set this year. To be honest, my goals are really general, which most do not recommend. For me, though, my goals are just guiding steps. It’s really the journey that counts. My final destination? I still don’t know but I’m trying to change bit by bit each day for the better.

Every end has a new beginning and I am just starting.

UPDATE on my life

It’s been a while since I’ve posted something. I said in my resolutions that i’ll try to write more blog posts this years but it seems I’m doing the exact opposite.

Last January 29, I started my 6-month web development course. I thought I’ll be able to handle doing blogs every weekend then but it’s either I was too tired (since I’m also doing Muay Thai every saturday) or too lazy to do anything other than sleep. But starting today I’ll try to post more. Most will be just about random things that happened during my day. Others just musings. But once in a while, I hope to post more in-depth items. I have read a couple of books too but I haven’t gotten the time to post my reviews. Hopefully soon though. Soon.

Anyways, i’ll stop here. In the mean time, if you want to know what I did for my first project in the course is, you can check blessie07.github.io/NihonggoBasics. It’s just an amateur website, not even complete. But hey, I started from scratch. hehe.

Til next time.

My JLPT N4 Journey

For the last two years after i passed the Japanese Language Proficiency Test (JLPT) N5, i kept trying to pass JLPT N3 thinking that if I passed N5 with studying Japanese for just barely 3 months, maybe I can pass N3 as long as I study hard everyday. I THOUGHT WRONG. 

The first time I took JLPT N3 was in July 2016. I know I barely studied then but you know fool as I am, I still hope to pass even without much effort. I actually did not read the whole grammar/reading section. Well, I did try but I was not able to comprehend so I just shaded a random number all through out that section. When I got my results then, I don’t know if I should be happy, sad, or surprised. I got 94/180. The passing is 95. I though then, maybe if i studied a bit more, I will now be able to pass it.

So I decided to take JLPT N3 again December of 2016. My studying a bit more is really just that. I studied just a bit more (which means barely still) for the December 2016. I hoped I pass but still I did not. My score went down to 78/180 even.

Come July 2017, I decided to take another shot. This time I prepared more. I reviewed more this time. I reviewed the vocabs, the grammar, I tried to practice reading a bit but I was still having a hard time trying to comprehend paragraphs. Still, I am hoping that this time was it.  But no, it was still not it.

After I failed the first try, my friend actually suggested to lower down the level to N4 but I keep on saying no. That maybe if I do this, or do that, I will be able to make it. After three failed attempts though, I finally decided to take N4 instead of N3 last December 2017.

Since JLPT N4 was lower level than N3, and covers lesser Kanji and grammar, I just reviewed part of what I reviewed for N3. I did not review hardcore but I made sure to at least be refreshed with the cover topics that might appear. On the day of the test, I am surprised. It was my first being able to understand (or at least I think so) 95% of the reading material. Haha. I was so happy. Vocab section has always been my strongest suit in my opinion. The listening part thought, I was kinda hesitating if i did well or not. I think I understood but then I’m not sure. Results came end of January 2018. AND I PASSED! I actually don’t know what I’ll do if I didn’t. I only know I’ll feel super incompetent.

n4.jpg

I am trying to get to pass JLPT for possible work opportunities in Japan. Hopefully, this year will be the year for it. I will once again take N3 but I’ll take it December 2018 since I really don’t have much time til July because of the coding bootcamp that I’ve decided to participate in for 6 months.

The road won’t be easy I know and I need to incorporate Japanese in my everyday conversations and communications. Hopefully, by God’s grace, I’ll be able to do so.

2018 is THE YEAR!

26692741_10214984927120835_1716951838_o.jpg
2018 GOAL BOARD

I said that 2017 was not THE year nor were the years before it. I do believe though that 2018 will be THE YEAR!!! Yes, I have faith in this. I firmly believe. 2017 was the stepping stone year, the laying of the foundation year, the getting the act together year. And now, 2018 will be  THE YEAR to tie everything together and produce results. I’m not off to a good start, to be honest, but I believe I’ll pick up the pace and start running to the finish line of my goals this year (though my destination is really not clear still).

New year, same old resolutions, haha.  This time i’ll make sure that i’ll follow through.

Here are my goals for 2018.

FITNESS, BEAUTY, HEALTH

26694905_10214984926520820_729660742_o.jpg
2018 Fitness Goal Board

1. Love my body and accept who i am. 

I want to change, yes, but before I do so, I have a goal of being comfortable in my own skin. Accepting who I am, loving myself will be the first step for change.

2. Have clear face and skin.

I have bad skin. It’s been one of my insecurities for the longest time. I get acne a lot and they leave marks for a long, long, long period of time. Also, I don’t like wearing bikinis because it will show the stretchmarks on my butt as well as the dark side of my bikini area. I’ve been trying to resolve the issue for a couple years now but still to no avail. Recently, I’ve started using organic products for my facial wash, toner, moisturizer, cream, shampoo and conditioner. I’ll continue seeking the best way to handle my skin problem but my goal is to find it this year.

3. Have a fit and lean body.

This has been one of my most used resolutions but one of which I’m always falling. haha. This time around, I won’t let it be a failed one. Step by step, day by day, I’ll try to go ahead and achieve a fit and lean body. I’ll chronicle my journey as well which hopefully keeps me going.

 

CONTINUING EDUCATION AND CAREER GOALS

4. Enroll and finish Programming bootcamp (Tuitt).

This will actually be very challenging coz enrolling in the bootcamp  means that I will lessen my hours of sleep, travel to and fro my work place, enduring long queue in the train as well as a sea of people. I hope I’ll be able to survive 6 months of this and complete the course with flying colors. The fee is a lot so I really need to make this work.

5. Finish myTEFL course and get certificate.

So I finally purchased myTEFL 120-hr course last January 2. However, I haven’t had the time or energy to actually start focusing on completing it. I only have 3 months to work on it, pass the courses and get my certificate. I will work on building a habit to a lot at least one hour of each day on it and make up whatever I missed on weekends. I really hope I’ll be able to stick to this because I spent a fortune on the course.

6. Get accepted into an online teaching job in April.

After finishing the TEFL course, my goal is to find a teaching job online as a part time. It will put my skills to test and at the same time learn from the experience that I’ll be getting which will be necessarily when I apply for a teaching position in Japan by August.

7. Apply for US J1 VISA.

I got to know from one of my new co-workers how she interned in the US where she was able to earn money so she can visit Japan twice. USA, amidst all the political controversies going on, is still one of the places that I want to visit and live for a while. There are places I wanna visit and relatives I wanna meet too. So, I decided that I’ll save money and gain the qualifications needed so I can apply. My target is to apply by August.

8. Get a job in Japan/USA/Vietnam.

The future is unclear. I’ve been trying to go to Japan for almost three years now to no avail. This year, by God’s grace I will be able to go to Japan. Back up plan is to apply for a teaching job in Vietnam. The USA is another matter since I’ve allotted a year of preparation to go there but I really wanna work there too. Basically, I just wanna get out of my comfort zone and travel the world. Target date is September.

 

JAPAN GOALS

9. Get accepted in the PJ Link Scholarship Program.

PJ Link is a language center that periodically screens applicants who wants to go to Japan to work or study. I’ve applied twice for different programs but to no avail. Just this week, I’ve applied to yet again another program which is a scholarship program this time. Hoping this time, I will pass and be able to participate in the program and finally go to Japan. Well, interview’s next Saturday and I’ll be able to know if i pass or fail within the month. Hoping for the best.

10. Finally pass JLPT N3.

I’ve taken JLPT N3 thrice already. THRICE. AND I FAILED THRICE. Miserably. Lol. So I finally relented and took JLPT N4 last December 2017. Hopefully, I passed N4 so I can focus 2018 passing N3. I’ll get to know the result around 4th week of January. Praying that i pass.

 

PERSONAL GROWTH GOALS

11. Travel solo abroad.

It’s been one of my life goals to travel abroad. Coming from a lower middle income family, I decided that once I started working I’ll save up money so that I can go ahead and achieve it since it wasn’t an option when I was a kid. Four and a half years after graduation though and I still haven’t gone outside the country even once. This year though, I’ll really make it work. I had booked to Japan and China before but wasn’t able to apply for visa and got rejected  respectively. This year, I already booked a trip to Singapore in August. I’ll save money for the trip and make it one for the books!

12. Have devotion time everyday.

I’m a baptized Christian but I don’t see myself as one which makes me feel guilty. Following Christ is not easy, especially since I’ve prioritized the world for too long. But i’ll make it through. One day at a time. Having a devotion time every day is one of the goals, for reflection and meditation.

13.   Blog more.

I really ought to blog more. Express more. I started a number of blogs before but I always stopped updating them along the way. I won’t let the same fate befall this blog. I started this blog as a platform to where I can share my thought, what’s up with my life. A really personal one. It seems though that it’s like a book/movie review blog only. haha. I love books and movies and will definitely post reviews of things I’ve read and watch but I’ll go ahead and also start posting more about my life, my journey, reflections, and my goals, hoping that this blog will be able to touch at least one person.

 

I know that there are overlapping goals and no specific time limit there. I know that goals without deadline are just wishes. But I’ll strive hard this year to achieve the goals I’ve set. I can only plan but I lay everything to God.

HERE’S TO 2018! LET’S CONQUER 2018! 🙂

 

 

2017 LOOKBACK

116106-Nothing-Worth-Having-Comes-Easy.jpg

2017 was not THE year. I guess no year ever was yet.  It was not the year where #DreamsFulfilled happened which was my goal hashtag for 2017. It was not the year where I was able to achieve much or save much. It was actually a year that I lost a chunk of my savings. It was the year that was almost. I almost grasp my dream but then i was pulled back down by gravity. Almost, almost. But almost is never enough. However, for everything that 2017 was not, it still was a good year.

It was the year where I finally took a step forward (even if I went back and forth throughout the year). A step forward change. A step forward to becoming peace with myself. A step forward my goals. It was a step forward. It is a small step but it’s already a lot.

2017 was the year I bought my netbook and even though it runs in Celeron, i am still proud of myself that I was able to buy a working netbook. It’s a great milestone for me since I never spend money much (but I keep on losing it for some reason, prolly is food lol). But I bought my netbook in cash! It cost me Php13,000 which is a lot for me already.

2017 was also the year that I was able to read the most books. I have read around 170 books in total which was more that the number of books I have read all my life. It was a good year to get in touch with discovering my like for reading, writing, novels, and poetry. I discovered great authors and poets! 🙂

It was also the year where I started to really make effort in taking care of my physical appearance. I am not pretty nor did I became pretty after making effort. haha. But 2017 is the year where I started making effort in making me decent. haha. Before last year, I think I only bought clothes for myself around 5 times for my whole 23 years of existence. I never did like shopping. But last year, there’s a huge improvement. I spent money on clothes! Even though mostly are just tops, that’s a great achievement for me already. I also started spending money on beauty products, not make up per se, but like the products that will make your face clearer (though I haven’t found the right products for me yet). I will keep in trying stuff though til I found the one. I also purchased underarm laser diode treatment which helped me save a lot of tiring trips to the salon. It was also the year that I finally decided to get braces! and the year where I did a major change in my hair when I decided to have it digitally permed.

2017 was a year that my savings run stale. My savings were not much to begin with but last year it ran stale and most of the time I was dipping into my savings to cover my expenses. I got a lot of expenses. The netbook, the braces, all those clothes, the beauty products, the failed plane tickets, the failed unfortunate ForEx scam, etc. However, 2017 also taught me that saving is good but it does not have to be the only thing you do. 2017 taught me that it’s okay to spend as long as you enjoy what you bought and it will give you much more than its face value.

ONE IMPORTANT LESSON that 2017 taught me is that NOTHING COMES EASY. This lesson cost me a lot to learn, literally. So i was very into the easy, quick rich scheme. Like be a millionaire overnight type of thing. I lost money before investing in ventures or platforms that might make me more money but it was not until I lost Php 10,000 (approx $200) that woke me up from this belief. So I attended this Forex seminar. I was interested in learning Forex so this opportunity was hard to pass up. The speaker was good, really good that it convinced me to invest $10k right on the spot but then after the seminar, I checked the reviews and boom! I got dragged down to reality that I just lost my $10k to a scam. This time, I really learned my lesson “In life, what you really want will never come easy.” You must work hard and smart for the things you like to achieve.

2017 was a year of learning, of trying out new things, of downfall, of being able to let go. It was also the year of being able to dream, of trusting God, of taking a step forward. 2017 is an almost year. Hope 2018 will be THE YEAR!

 

A Scottish Lord for Christmas by Lauren Smith

DISCLAIMER: This post is more about realizations than the book review itself. haha

ScottishLord1_RGB_RGB301-526x800.jpg

What do you do when you’re in a party and you’re bored af? You download the 1st book your limited data plan allows you. lol. That’s how I came to read A Scottish Lord for Christmas.

I thought nothing at first. You know just a random read of a romance from the early 1900s with lords and debutantes and all those. The story is pretty simple and straightforward. You know, just your average pocketbook romance. It’s a story about Rowena, a young girl who just had her debut in the society and Quinn, aka Lord Forres, who’s 10 years older than her. Quinn is a Scottish widower with a young child who went to England to look for his next wife. Enter Rowena, the young debutante who save Quinn’s daughter from falling into the ice cold water. She fell in love madly, deeply, and very fast with this handsome Scottish lord. Within weeks of meeting, they were engaged then married. All the while, Quinn was fighting hard from falling in love with Rowena as he does not want to experience the pain of losing a loved one all over again, and Rowena, fighting to gain her lord’s love fully.

However, what made me enjoy the book is that I can ‘somewhat’ see myself in Rowena. haha. I can identify with Rowena in the sense that she has no prior sexual experience (well, i still don’t have even now) and because of this, i feel the detailed scenes strongly like i’m the one in the situation. lol. I thought to myself that what Rowena experienced on her first will be similar to my reactions. And who wouldn’t fall in love with a lord with an accent? ***swoons***And I love that they got married first before they did the act (yes, i am a prude).

Rowena, in so many levels, just wants to be loved and her love to be reciprocated. Much like the rest of us. Much like me and we are all just trying to be loved back. I am a hopeless romantic which is why I enjoyed the book even with all its cheesiness and oh-so-cliche scenes in glory. hahaha.

Reading the book made me just want to fall in love more. I’m willing to wait but reading all these romance novels is just me torturing myself. ahhahaha. The book is simple, straight-forward, linear. There’s not much deepness going on here. Just a quick, fun read for an afternoon leisure or, in my case, if you’re bored in a party you went to.